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    April 11

    我不是王小波门下走狗,但我也怀念他

    “王小波门下走狗”是某个时代很时髦的词。

    我不是,我知道他,知道他的“时代”系列,但我没看过。当年他余温尚存的时候,我对
    他这样的当代作家只有看看短篇(比如《一只特立独行的猪》,还是放在手机里坐在马桶
    上看的)的耐心——当然他的长篇如果我不小心读起来,我也一定会一气读完,但我没有
    足够的动机去主动读他们的长篇,就像我不主动吃猪肉一样——其实我可以吃,吃起来也
    没问题,但我不想吃。连茅盾我都只读了中短篇。

    今天是他的祭日。九年了。

    本来根本不会记起他,但是受了网易文化频道一个专题的提示,我也习惯性地缅怀起历史
    感叹起文坛来。

    引起我感伤的,不止这一件。

    “祭日”这两个字让我想起我母亲,清明节我也没回家拜祭(事实上上大学来我都只是在
    年初二和母亲祭日才去上坟)。除了纪念,还能做什么呢?等儿子有所作为了再去告慰您
    吧。

    “九年”这两个字,让我一下子回望起自己的历史。九年前我在做什么?有个美国总统说
    他长寿的秘诀是“不要回忆过去”,我很想长寿,但让我不去回忆过去,我做不到。自己
    的历史和中国的世界的历史一样值得纪念,为什么不去想?想到自己从那样那样那样的一
    个人变成这样这样这样的人,个中过程和滋味,还是很有意思的。

    王小波啊,谢谢你。有机会我或许会去找你的书来看看,不为你文字的伟大思想的深邃,
    而是因为你作为符号,提示了我的感伤。所以我可能会去想知道,你到底是个啥样的人。


    如果你们也认识王小波,记得他的名字,晓得他的事迹,看过他的书,抑或,做过他的走
    狗,不妨一起缅怀下他——不论你实际上缅怀的是什么。

    附录:
    王小波永远青春,但"门下走狗"都老了:http://talk.163.com/06/0411/10/2EE0H2ST003
    0rt.html

    网易文化频道专题:http://culture.163.com/special/00280030/wanger9.html

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